Some days it all just seems so hard.
I feel like I'm trying to climb backwards up a waterfall.
Ironically, now I am almost on top of this injury I am feeling completely hopeless. It's like the past five months (yes FIVE awful months) it's taken to get me to this point were only the preliminaries. The real hard stuff starts now, when I have to come to terms with just how slow I have become; when the end goal is now so far away I can't even see it anymore.
Last year I was finally starting to feel confident in myself as a runner. Now I am struggling to see anything beyond these terribly slow runs that appear to be taking me nowhere.
Ironman Australia was yesterday. Ouch. Twelve months ago I had such different plans - I had entered to race Ironman and I was excitedly freaking out about it. Then, when my running started to make progress again, I made the decision to withdraw from Ironman so I could focus on some key road races in the first part of this year and really do well in them. To be honest, the decision wasn't really that difficult - running will always be my first love and I truly believed if I worked hard I could do well.
As it turned out - I didn't do any of it. Nada, nothing, zip. Instead, I've spent five months trying to rehabilitate two stupid hamstring tendons, always knowing there would be a chance they were blown for good.
Can you tell it was a bit of a tough weekend? Not only was Ironman yesterday, the state road 10k championships were on Saturday too. And I was... nowhere near either of them.
I have really tried to keep up the positive rhetoric as I've been treating this tendinopathy, but some days it just all seems too hard to believe. When I'm out running and only hitting a pace that's slower than my previous recovery-run pace, it's difficult to see how on earth a sub-2:50 marathon is on the way.