Resting the body, calming the mind

Not too long to go now. Taper is well and truly in full swing - only had an easy 5k on my program today.

While the body is resting up, I simply can not calm my mind. I was hoping my nerves wouldn't be so bad this time, given that I have trained well, but it seems all my training has done is up the stakes. I know I am now chasing a PB but I keep going over and over the numbers in my head and driving myself nuts with it all.

I am thinking seriously about my pacing strategy, and although it sounds OK in theory I just don't know how on earth I am going to put it together. Sean's advice regarding pacing was exactly what I was thinking of doing, so the fact that we're both on the same page is positive.

Everything points to a PB. It makes sense, doesn't it? But marathons can be nasty little buggers and one can never be too complacent going into the 42.2k. Having said that, I really do think I have respected the distance this time. A couple of years ago Jackie Fairweather was talking to me about how important it was to respect the marathon distance - they are words I've always remembered but not always acted upon.

I'm keen to see what impact this training has had, but I'm also realistic that 11 weeks (the amount of time I've been training properly) is not a long block of time. I feel most calm when I think that this race will be the first of a number of steps towards improving my marathon (and half, and 10k) performances. I actually feel quite happy if I think of it like that.  The only problem is that I have a little thing called Ironman planned for next year which is going to get in the way of focusing solely on my running.

Anyway. There's a bit of my mental angst released! Hopefully that means I won't have crazy dreams tonight - I've had some odd ones the past few nights. I was bitten by a snake in one, but my mum wouldn't take me to the hospital. In another I was being chased by a murderer. I'd like the winning Lotto numbers tonight please.

Doubt

Doubt is a repugnant, sneaky little thing. It's like the monster lurking in your childhood cupboard - he's not always there, but the more you think about him the stronger and more threatening he gets until you have no choice but to go and sleep in the big, safe bed with your mum and dad.

Guess who's getting nervous about a little race coming up?

The doubts and the worries are creeping in, made worse by me reading things online, such as a thread on Coolrunning in which someone said there's no point in training at anything slower than race pace.

I go from being pleased that I am making progress in my interval training to thinking,' Great, so you can run intervals faster now - go and do a 42.2k interval and tell me how you feel.'

I never try to hide the fact that I get incredibly nervous before a race - any race. Some people say you should put on a confident front so you don't give competitors the advantage but in my mind I'm my biggest competitor - and I already know I'm freaking out. In the marathon I'm racing myself and the clock - I want a PB and if I get it I don't care if I've finished 10th or 1010th.

Negative thoughts are never useful and I'm trying to banish them. The truth is:

• I have trained for this race. 
• I have trained better than ever before for this race. 
• Granted, I have not had a good year for marathon racing but I ran a PB for a half marathon a few weeks ago. 
• Even if it all goes to shit I have a full day in Melbourne after the race where I can shop until I feel better. It may take a number of credit cards to achieve this.