SMC 30k and still no decision

Oh what to do, what to do?

I said I would use Sunday's 30k SMC race to determine whether I would race the Canberra Marathon. If that were the case, then I should pull out of Canberra now - SMC went slightly better than I expected (in that I finished!) but it was certainly not up to the standard needed for a good marathon.

But I just can't do it yet. I can't bring myself to pull out of Canberra. I really love that race.

I finished the 30k in 2:07:43. That pace is a touch under a three-hour marathon. Given the time, I was lucky to get away with the win.

I lost about a minute at the 20k mark (yes, regular readers of my old blog would know why - I had to go to the loo AGAIN. Despite having gone FOUR times before the race). Still, that doesn't make the time much better,

There are a few reasons I haven't yet made a decision about Canberra:

1. I love the race. 
2. The second half of the 30k on Sunday actually felt better than the first half. My last few kilometres were between 3:55 and 4:03 minute/ks. It was early on that I felt really bad.
3. I'm not at all sore today - I find this odd and I can't understand it. 
4. I am entered and have paid for accommodation.
5. I love the race.

Of course, there are lots more reasons for not going to Canberra - lack of training (especially long runs), the possibility that it would do a bit of damage to the body/immune system because I'm still recovering from Glandular Fever, the fact that every time I have a bad race I take a big mental beating and my confidence hits rock bottom...

I don't know what to do.

I was sick again on Saturday - in bed until 2pm with temperature, sore throat, blocked sinus. I'm told GF smashes your immunity so you're a lot more susceptible to colds and flus. On Sunday morning I used one of those Vicks nasal sprays to clear the sinuses and it worked - just made my nose run a a bit but I could deal with that. Today I feel remarkably good. No muscle soreness, no sickness - just a little tired. I rode the home trainer this morning before work and I'm about to head out the door for a run (and I'm not anticipating any problems).

So help. I need advice, guidance, direction or divine providence to step in. Deep down I know what would be best. There are no miracles in marathon racing - I've learned that the hard way. If the work hasn't been done, it's always going to be a hell of day at the office.

Dammit.