Speed kills. Tendons.

Speed kills. Tendons.

Well, my tendons certainly seem to dislike speed - or to be precise, my left hamstring origin tendon dislikes speed.

Sigh. This was supposed to have healed by now.

I had to skip my track and long interval sessions last week - my left leg was still not up to scratch. I hated having to skip sessions so early back into training, but I guess if I push through things now I'm going to make it worse further on down the road.

To be honest, I'm feeling very up and down right now. After initially thinking I was about to get back on track, time seems to be slipping away rapidly and I often feel myself starting to panic when I realise how quickly Melbourne is approaching. But, in reality, there's no point in panicking is there? It's not going to help the situation - it'll just make me more frustrated. Instead, I have to take this whole thing One. Day. At. A. Time.

Yes, there is still a 'big picture'. And I'll get there. I have to. It's just going to take a bit longer than I originally planned. Freaking crying about it won't help.

Interestingly, while we're on the topic of Melbourne, the Melbourne Marathon isn't the Australian Championships this year - they've gone to Sydney. Even if I were in top form I doubt I would have changed my plans and run Sydney. Melbourne has always been faster for me and the elite athlete coordinator, Tim Crosbie, does everything possible to make it a really positive and easy experience for us. I'm out to get the fastest time I can and I think Melbourne's the place for that. Especially now they've sorted out the merge with the half marathon runners.

Anyway, back to the topic at hand.

I did 30k on Sunday (23/6) for my long run. Do you know, I'm pretty sure that's the longest run I've done since Melbourne Marathon last year. It felt good to get it done and the tendon was OK. My endurance held up fine and the next day I only had a tiny bit of tightness in my calves - nothing you'd think twice about and my morning run got rid of it.

I've also been in touch with Mizuno to ask about some other shoes that might be worth testing out. At present I am running most of my kilometres in the Elixir, which is working out well. The Elixir used to be my marathon race shoe and I trained in the Nirvana because it had more support so would be kinder on my body. I'm doing all my track work in the Ronin, which I love. Love, love, love. Best shoe ever.

I've found that using a lower profile shoe, such as the Elixir instead of the Nirvana, helps me maintain the body position and form that I need to focus on to get myself through this injury (and to stay uninjured). There doesn't appear to be any scientific evidence for this - even the Mizuno podiatrist said there wasn't much correlation with hamstring injuries and lower profile shoes and my physio said he didn't know, so all I can go on is how my body feels and how it reacts to different shoes.

I am going to try the Inspire as a training shoe - it's got a little more support than the Elixir but less that the Nirvana, so it might be good for doing lots of kilometres. I supposed I'm lucky in that I'm a lightweight so it's not as vital that I have shoes with loads of cushioning, but I'm going to test the Inspire out and see how it goes. A friend recently started running in a pair and he's really happy with how it feels.

So where to from here? I'm literally taking things day by day - seeing how the body is feeling then deciding if the program has to be modified. This week I swapped some days around but I did all the sessions (but again, the track session was cut short - probably a wise move because my 4k cool down had some 'not-right-discomfort'). I had a 25k trail race scheduled for this Sunday - I had a choice of two. I entered one - Woodford to Glenbrook, that I've won the last four years in a row - knowing I'd only be a 50/50 chance of actually racing, depending on my leg. However, it's been cancelled because of flooding. The other one, the Wingello Trail Classic, is a new race in the Southern Highlands. I am doubtful I'll head down to that. Even if I feel OK on Sunday morning, a two-hour drive before a race is never going to benefit the tendon. Sitting in a car for anything more than 40 minutes still causes it to ache.

I do need to get a race in soon though - just to get it over with. I haven't raced since last November and I'm nervous (more nervous than usual!)

So that's where things are at right now.  I'm still fighting.

Two steps forward... and...

I have been making solid progress in regards to returning to a 'normal' training program. I'm now into week three and, generally, the hamstrings have been behaving themselves and I've been able to do some solid training. Last week I did 95k in total, with a fair bit of quality running. It's made it feel like a weight's been lifted off me and I've been feeling so happy and motivated.

Yesterday and today, however, were not good days. My left hamstring/tendon was definitely feeling something so yesterday I decided to swap Tuesday's track session with Wednesday's 14k run in the hope that an extra day away from the track would settle things down.

Unfortunately when I woke up this morning my hammie felt a bit achey and, as I feared, when I did the hamstring bridge to test things out I felt the slightest little twinge up under my butt. Just the slightest bit, and only for a split second at the start of it, but it was there. Not what I wanted.

So, in an effort to let it settle down completely, today was a cycle only day - as per my instructions from physio Brent that if there is any pain when I do a bridge I'm not to run (let alone to the track session I was planning on doing). I've been feeling very positive these last few weeks so today broke the spirit a little bit. I'll admit to having a bit of a cry this morning, then another one this afternoon when the Athletics NSW email newsletter arrived rubbing salt in the wound.

I just want this to disappear once and for all. I suppose I was naive in thinking there wouldn't be any setbacks when getting back into training. At this stage I suppose I'm prepared to modify my training every now and then to cater for any niggles but the worry is that I'll have to keep modifying it, and modify it too much, to the point that I'm not going to get the best out of myself.

Bah.

Some days

Some days it all just seems so hard.

I feel like I'm trying to climb backwards up a waterfall.

Ironically, now I am almost on top of this injury I am feeling completely hopeless. It's like the past five months (yes FIVE awful months) it's taken to get me to this point were only the preliminaries. The real hard stuff starts now, when I have to come to terms with just how slow I have become; when the end goal is now so far away I can't even see it anymore.

Last year I was finally starting to feel confident in myself as a runner. Now I am struggling to see anything beyond these terribly slow runs that appear to be taking me nowhere.

Ironman Australia was yesterday. Ouch. Twelve months ago I had such different plans - I had entered to race Ironman and I was excitedly freaking out about it. Then, when my running started to make progress again, I made the decision to withdraw from Ironman so I could focus on some key road races in the first part of this year and really do well in them. To be honest, the decision wasn't really that difficult - running will always be my first love and I truly believed if I worked hard I could do well.

As it turned out - I didn't do any of it. Nada, nothing, zip. Instead, I've spent five months trying to rehabilitate two stupid hamstring tendons, always knowing there would be a chance they were blown for good.

Can you tell it was a bit of a tough weekend? Not only was Ironman yesterday, the state road 10k championships were on Saturday too. And I was... nowhere near either of them.

I have really tried to keep up the positive rhetoric as I've been treating this tendinopathy, but some days it just all seems too hard to believe. When I'm out running and only hitting a pace that's slower than my previous recovery-run pace, it's difficult to see how on earth a sub-2:50 marathon is on the way.

Risk = Reward?

I can't believe Canberra Marathon is just over a week away and I'm not going to be racing. I've run the last nine of them - this was going to be my 'Griffin' tenth. It was also supposed to be the first time I ran under 2:50. Based on Melbourne last October, if I hadn't been injured and I'd kept up the training with Sean, I'm pretty sure I could have done it.

Instead, I'm frustrated as all hell. Looking down the barrel of months and months of modified training in the hope of getting back to where I was four to five months ago. And that's assuming I can actually start following a program soon and incorporating some track/fast running without breaking.

Without breaking. As Hamlet would say, "ay, there's the rub." I'm concerned that after all this I'm going to be overly cautious and not work as hard as I should because I'll be nursing my tendons. However, if I'm NOT overly cautious and I do end up breaking again I'll be left with nothing.

Is a modified program in which you remain cautious in the name of self-preservation better than risking it all to be the best you can possibly be?

I don't want unanswered questions. I want to know I gave it everything. I just hope over the coming months I discover that I do have more to give.

Another rehab video

Because I know lots of people have found this blog by searching for 'high hamstring tendinopathy' I thought it'd be worthwhile posting another one of the rehab/strengthening exercises I'm doing.

Because I'm not too keen on starring in my own video, I found this example on YouTube:

If you're a fellow HHT sufferer and you have any rehab, exercises or treatment you're finding is working, you're welcome to post a comment or send me an email at johp.mail@gmail.com - I'll add it to the stuff I'm doing to try and get over this bastard of an injury and I'll share it with everyone else.

Currently my right side is feeling good but my left side played up in the last few minutes when I went for a 40 minute run yesterday. And I'm unfit. It's not a nice feeling.

Lost: Motivation. Please return if found.

The longer this injury goes on the harder it is to motivate myself to get on with doing what little training I can do.

Every weekend I'm seeing races come and go. I'm seeing other runners progress and I'm feeling myself falling further and further behind. I do try to remain positive, and I can maintain a positive rhetoric and say all the things I know I should be saying, but the truth is that it frigging hurts and it sucks and I'm sick of it.

When the alarm goes off in the mornings, these days there is a great temptation to roll over and go back to sleep rather than get up and ride or go for a pointless (i.e. no specific goal) run. On Friday my massage therapist asked me how my body was feeling in general and I said I didn't know - it doesn't feel like my body. I feel unfit. I feel slow. I feel out of condition. Actually, I AM unfit, I AM slow and I AM out of condition.

There has been a great deal of swearing going on in my house as I try and deal with the frustration I'm feeling. Not only is this injury a physical struggle, it's also taking a pretty big mental toll on me. And unlike when I'm dealing with other things that stress me out, I can't go out and run to relax because the running (or lack thereof) is the cause of it.

I have to keep reminding myself that it isn't all doom and gloom. I know I am improving, it's just that the rate of that improvement is far too slow for me and my goals for this year. With Canberra Marathon off the cards in April it looks like my first chance at a marathon won't be until the end of July this year. That's half the year gone without trying to crack the 2:50 mark.

Of course, I'm also looking at the shorter races I'm missing. I really wanted to give SMH Half a good go this year, but I'm beginning to doubt I'll be in shape for it. If (when) my hamstrings ever come right it's going to be such a tough job getting back into race condition. At least when I started training with Sean last year  I had a strong endurance base and all I was really trying to develop was my speed. Now I'm starting from scratch on both counts. Insert swear word here please. Make it a bad one. 

Forgive this uninspiring post. I do try to remain upbeat and embrace all the positives in my recovery but sometimes a girl's gotta cry a little and a good blog's all about honesty, right? I love to run. I love the sense of achievement it brings when all the hard work comes together. I'm really, really missing that right now. I miss the camaraderie too. It probably sounds cliched but it's true - I love running and racing with other like-minded people. Especially at races like SMC where everyone cheers everyone else along.

Finally, some basic housekeeping:
I have my second lot of PRP injections on Wednesday after work. A week later I'll go and see Brent (physio) and we're going to do a whole lot of strength testing to see how things are progressing.

I used my Garmin for the first time in months yesterday. I've been avoiding it because I knew the figures would just depress me. I ran for 60 minutes at 4:40 pace. Better than nothing I guess and at least I can now start tracking my progress.

Injury really sucks

Life has been difficult and pretty dark these past few weeks. Every day I've been seeing my goals for this year slipping away and it got to the point I was struggling to find motivation to do anything. I felt really, really lost. It was made harder by the fact that so many of my friends are athletes which meant it was very hard to avoid talk of training and racing.

Thank you to everyone who has sent messages or posted comments on my blog. It really is appreciated. I know I haven't been updating this blog very regularly but I hope something on here may help someone else suffering High Hamstring Tendinopathy. I've had messages from a few people who, like me, are frustrated and desperately searching for an answer.

I had more than two weeks off work over the Christmas-New Year break and usually this is my absolute favourite time of the year.  Therefore, it sucked to find that some days I'd wake up and couldn't be bothered dragging myself out of bed because I felt I was going to achieve nothing that day. 'FML' became a common phrase. On Christmas morning I thought, bugger it, and went for a run. It was probably too early in my recovery but mentally I really, really needed it. I then had to put up with sore calves for the next couple of days because my body was out of shape!

There have been ups and downs I guess. Or, on second thoughts, maybe not many ups - I won't lie to you - I've been feeling pretty shit. I have continued riding and swimming as well as my rehab work, physio and massage with Michael from Complete Body Dynamics (who has been really wonderful and has been looking for different ways of treating the injury). I've been able to do some short, slow runs (Brent approved). I've tried to tell myself that complaining or getting depressed isn't going to make one ounce of difference so I may as well just get on with what I can do rather than constantly thinking about what I can't do.

I had my first appointment with Dr Donald Kuah at Sydney Sports Medicine Centre in early January. He is one of those doctors that fills you with complete confidence and after only a few minutes with him I felt I was in good hands - he was really thorough and honest.

Dr Kuah basically backed up what my physio, Brent Kirkbride (also at SSMC) had told me - 2013 is pretty much buggered in terms of competing at a very high level. Hearing this was like receiving a punch in the stomach. But what do you do, huh? Crying won't change it. Yelling and screaming won't fix it. So after some discussion about options Dr Kuah booked me in for Platelet Rich Plasma (PRP) injections in the first week of February.

I had an MRI on Wednesday and I go back to see Brent next week.

But in recent days, things have been looking up. I have noticed definite improvement and, although I am feeling incredibly out of shape, my ability to run is getting better. At this stage I still haven't attempted pushing any sort of pace but I am able to run pain free a lot of the time. Slow, yes, but pain free. It's a start.

It may be a coincidence, but I am putting this improvement down to a strength/stability exercise I've added in. Instead of trying to describe it I thought it'd be easier to find a photo online (source: Body and Soul):

This is pretty much it (but I think the woman in this picture is letting her butt drop a bit). I lift one leg at a time and I concentrate on using my hamstring and my glutes and keeping my abs switched on. I've really started to think this is a magical exercise. 

I know this is only early stages - Brent and Dr Kuah both told me I could easily get back to being a recreational runner. It's getting back to being a competitive runner that will put the tendon under stress, so I really have to make sure it's repaired before I start to push things. Slowly, slowly - I keep reminding myself that after making it this far I don't want to rush things and send myself back to square one again. 

Having said this, I haven't given up on achieving a strong marathon this year. My plans have obviously changed (I was originally aiming to go sub 2:50 in Canberra in April, then improve from there) and I am now hoping to be in top form for Melbourne Marathon in October. It seems so far away, but it's better than nothing, right? 

Now I feel I've come out of the dark cave I disappeared into for a while, I'll be keeping this blog updated more regularly. I'm really hoping to fill it with a lot of positive news as things progress. 

Struggling

I've been trying to remain very positive whilst treating this injury, but the past weekend broke my spirit a little.

I was entered into Canberra 70.3 - my first half Ironman. Obviously I didn't race.

Even though the focus isn't on triathlon any more (after deciding not to do Ironman next year and to focus on running the best marathon I can), I was still pretty excited about giving the half Ironman a shot. My bike leg wouldn't have been great but I was confident of having a strong run leg given my recent form.

Sunday was also SMC - a series I love and I've done quite well at over the past few years. I missed that too.

I avoided social media because I just didn't want to hear about everyone's race adventures (or mis-adventures). The problem with having lots of athlete friends is that it's hard to avoid talk of training and racing.

I haven't run in 15 days, and I haven't done anything of quality for more than three weeks. I have been poked and prodded and pulled and pushed in all sorts of ways. I'm sick of it now. I feel completely lost - generally my life is guided by routine (it's the only way I can fit everything in) and now I'm left floating without a real sense of direction. I hate that I don't feel like I've achieved anything at the end of the day. I'm bored. I'm frustrated.

Some of the things I've been doing to try and fix this stupid injury include:
massage, physio and physio rehab exercises, hamstring strengthening exercises, chiropractor, Active Release Technique (ART), yoga (for the mind as much as the body).

I've been swimming and riding to keep my fitness up, as well as doing general weight work to increase my upper body and core strength. Every day I think about how all the gains I've made since August are just slipping away. Canberra Marathon is in 16 weeks. I wanted to run sub-2:50. I've got to get this thing fixed so I can get into quality training, otherwise that time is not going to happen.

I'm seeing the physio after work tomorrow and I'm really hoping he says there's been some improvement.

I know that in the big scheme of things my injury troubles hardly rate a mention - there are so many people in the world with real problems and disasters and heartbreak. I acknowledge that - I really do - but personally, keeping in mind my dreams and lifestyle, this is really, really difficult for me.

I'm struggling.

High Hamstring Tendinopathy - uh-oh

Yep. It's back.

I was all set to go out of the year on a high - I was feeling great and I really felt I was on track for some good performances in 2013.

But once again the gods intervened. "No, no," they said. "We must throw a spanner in the works."

So they did. A big, ugly spanner that hit me on the backside. High hamstring tendinopathy - a real pain in the butt.

I had this condition a few years ago and I went through some really rough times. All up, it lasted about nine months - although I admit to trying to train and race (badly) through it (when I could run that is). It was misdiagnosed and therefore mistreated for a long time. I tried so many different things and nothing helped. Even when I had some power back in my legs I still suffered from pain in the butt - long car rides had me in tears a few times because there was nothing I could do to relieve it.

I've had an inkling something wasn't quite right for a few weeks - the first time I noticed it was after the weekend of 10-11 November. On the Saturday I rode for three hours then ran a little off the bike, testing how things were for Canberra 70.3. The next day I ran 30k, which felt fine. On the Monday both hamstrings felt tight, but I thought that was a result of the weekend's training. Ran OK that day and did an interval session on Tuesday - a few were off pace by one or two seconds but generally it was alright. I couldn't seem to loosen up all week but I put it down to the weekend as well as the fact I was working crazy long hours and sitting at my computer until past midnight, which is never good.

The next weekend (18 Nov) I was planning on doing a cruisy half marathon - not pushing it. Went round in 1:25 (and seconds) to get the win and although I didn't feel like I was pushing it hard my hamstrings were burning. Hmmm. I was starting to worry a bit. Had a massage on Sunday afternoon to try and loosen things up.

My main goal for November was the Central Coast Half Marathon on 25 November. I was looking to run this in about 1:21:30 and hoping to run pretty even splits. Very early on, I knew I was in for a tough race. There was no power in my legs at all - it feels like you're a car that has just skipped from first gear to fifth gear and no matter how much you try and accelerate there's just nothing there.

 I wanted to pull out, but I doggedly pushed on, seeing my kilometre splits getting slower and slower. Yes, it was hot and humid, but that certainly doesn't explain the time - 1:25:39 - SLOWER than the previous week and I felt I worked a lot harder to get it. Certainly nowhere near the target time. I managed to finish in third place but I was so disappointed with the race and I knew the injury had returned. I remembered the lack of power feeling only too well.

My coach recommended a physio - Brent Kirkbride at Sydney Sports Medicine Centre - and I immediately made an appointment,  crossing my fingers he'd have me on my way quickly.

My appointment was this afternoon and it was far from uplifting. High hamstring tendinopathy is relatively rare, complicated to treat and everyone's body reacts differently to the treatment so making a prognosis is difficult. There is no quick fix. For some people there is no fix.

Brent was thorough and honest and I left feeling that I was going to get the best treatment possible - whether or not that's going to make a difference remains to be seen. I've also got an appointment with a doctor in a month so we can look at PRP (platelet rich plasma) injections if the other treatment hasn't had any effect by then.

No running. No running until my body starts to work properly again and there's no pain in certain areas. At least three weeks to start with. Merry Christmas.

Tonight, when I got home from the appointment, I was upset. The tears flowed. I had been so, so happy with how the year had ended up - everything had come together in the best way possible. And then, KA-BOOM, it blew up.

I know this sounds overly dramatic and I know in the overall scheme of the world it doesn't rate as a problem at all. But for me, in my little world, it is a big thing. I desperately want to hit some good times in 2013 and that's only going to happen if I can train properly. I made the really tough decision to withdraw from Ironman next year so I could continue to build on the progress I've made since August, and now I'm afraid all that progress is going to go down the drain and I'll be back to square one.

Forgive this post - the emotion is still a bit raw. There's no point feeling sorry for myself - nothing's achieved by that - so after giving myself tonight to be down in the dumps, tomorrow begins mission "lets-do-everything-possible-to-fix-this".

Shit.
Shit shit shit shit shit.
Why can't these injuries go to people who don't want to run, huh?